Kindness in Difficult Times

Photo by Saad Sharif on Unsplash

This week I have been away at a training. The night I flew to New Mexico, Sonoma County caught fire. Miles away from my family, my friends, and my community I stared at a text from my daughter asking what I wanted her to take when they evacuated.

Saturday night as “historic” winds were expected to drive the wildfire, our training group gathered for a powerful prayer from a Pueblan elder. I was able to acknowledge the deep grief and fear, embody it. And by the end of the ceremony, I was full. Some of my colleagues came up to hug, to reassure, to comfort. I found myself saying, “I love you, and I need to be alone right now.”

Compassion is a gift of our humanity. Please stand with those in pain and sorrow; please don’t help us until we ask then support us in ways we want to be supported, not what you think we need.

There were many gifts that night of prayer. Perhaps most important, I learned not to rush in with comfort, with Kleenex, with reassuring words. I learned to let folks be present to their experience, to companion them with my presence. That is more than enough.

The Three Gates

Photo by Fiona Naughton on Unsplash

I had a lot of meetings last week. Sitting with a cup of tea this weekend, I realized just how cranky and critical I was in many of them. And there was the conversation with a friend about my frustrations with another friend. Hmmm. My reflections made me feel a bit squirmy (do you know that feeling?).

I was reminded of the three Sufi gates -- before I speak anything there are three questions to ask myself:
          Is it true?
          Is it necessary?
          Is it kind?

Many of my conversations would have failed to pass through the last two gates into speech. Perhaps even truth was in question, had I been able to stand in another person's shoes.

This week, may you pause before you speak, so that whatever you say is true, necessary and kind.

Kindness Ripples Out

Photo by Daniel Mingook Kim on Unsplash

I was recently reminded of the power of the Buddhist practice of loving kindness or Metta. It is quite simple in not always easy. It centers on the following phrases:

• May you filled with loving kindness.
• May you be well.
• May you be peaceful and at ease.
• May you be happy.

The power and the blessing of this practice comes from who the "you" is. Often it begins with someone you love or who loves you. Then it moves on to someone toward whom you are neutral. Next is someone who pushes your buttons then someone you still hate. For each of these chants, the invitation is to speak from the compassion in your heart, don't make it a ya-da-ya-da of meaningless repetition. Bless the person to whom you offer this gift.

Another powerful practice is to bless yourself. "May I be filled with loving kindness, may I be well. May I be peaceful and at ease. May I be happy." Let it resonate and open up those places that feel shadowed, dark, unacceptable. Loving kindness has a deep, healing power that ripples out and reminds us of our connections to each other. May this week bring you the blessings of loving kindness.

The World Is Our Mirror

Erin Profaci, unsplash.com

Have you noticed how when you're feeling good, the world seems to be a kinder, gentler place. The weather refreshes or impresses you, even if it's pouring rain. People around you seem friendlier, smile more often.

Our attention is affected by how we feel, what we think, our sense of ourselves. What are you reflecting out into the world? Are you a place of peace, compassion, welcome? Here's a simple practice that can assist you in reflecting those qualities out into the world. The practice comes from www.RandomActsOfKindness.org which has 50 suggestions. Here is the one I chose for today: Write a kind message on your mirror with a dry erase marker for yourself, your significant other or a family member.

It's such a simple practice -- and it makes a world of difference. Here's to kindness!